Try Harder (But Not How You Think)
After sending a recent note called ‘Try Harder,’ I’ve been thinking about what that phrase means now — years later. And how it’s shifted. This is what came up…
Last week, I sent a newsletter titled “Try Harder” — and the responses that came in were something else. Messages from women who’ve been quietly doing exactly that — trying, stretching, pushing — for years. Decades, even.
Trying to be good.
Trying to be nice.
Trying to be palatable.
Trying to stay quiet.
Trying to belong.
It made me realise how many of us carry this invisible weight — a belief that if we just try hard enough, we’ll finally earn a gold star. Or peace. Or love. Or rest.
But what if the real work isn’t about trying harder…
It’s about trying differently?
For me, that shift didn’t come in one big epiphany. It came in small, awkward, holy moments — when I said no to something that used to get a yes. When I backed myself in a room that would’ve once shrunk me. When I taught a class without second-guessing every breath.
And here’s the magic: the more I stop trying to be good, the better everything feels. My work is deeper. My relationships are lighter. My body breathes easier.
So if you’ve been trying hard lately…
Maybe pause and ask: what’s the effort actually for?
And what might shift if you tried more gently, more honestly, more you-ly?
Because you don’t need to earn your way into rest.
Or love.
Or belonging.
Maybe the real growth isn’t becoming more —
it’s becoming more you.
Big love,
Sades x
